What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 01:25
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
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Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why is there so much free porn on the internet?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I never cut or harmed myself..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Can you provide a list of cities named after animals and the animals they were named after?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I said to her
I waited trembling.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
How do I become an intelligent man?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
How do people develop stage 4 cancer without noticing until it’s too late?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Was Daenerys' downfall inevitable after she left Meereen in Game of Thrones?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was seconnd youngest,
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Put me off passion for life!!
When she asked me how she looked .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
How can fashion design be used to make a political statement in popular culture, and society?
He knew the spot.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Have you ever had a bad gut feeling about someone and it was right?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I write beautiful poetry .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
So whats the point in blame.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I have no regrets .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She was in good health!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Especially a lifetime of it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And i lived it daily.
So, i spoilt her more .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She loved him until the end.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As i do to all so called friends.?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I think the readers, may guess!
She married twice! .
Would this be the day?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was 9 years of age.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I don,t even have a pension.
Ive learnt so much.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We all went to grammer schools
Was to survive, this bastard.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But ive been too sick for many years..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But, we were locked up after school.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I could never make a relationship work though!
Comes on , in middle age.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was scared of men, in general
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My family never makes their pension either.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My life is so biszare .
What did i know ?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
All the time i was locked up.
She found it foreign!.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was very sick at this time too.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I will be 64.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But it wasn’t much.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
This is soul school!.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Im still living with it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She wouldn,t have been !
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One cannot live in the past .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Who then, do I blame.?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We were not on the streets..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
It was going to be , some day.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He resisted the act ,that day.